Mood:  down
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well, i did this because i know very few people will look at it. and because i dont like to keep things to myself very much. so i figure i will pu thtem on the internet, where very few ppl will look. right now i am "down" because of chantal. still. this is taking forever to get over. for those of u who dont know. chantal and i used to be best freinds. or so i thought. then like 3 months ago we drifted apart and i didnt know why. untill one day i found out that her and her X-cj madsen were going back out..and had been for a whie. chantal didnt mention anything to me about him..ever. then, then secrets that she had been hiding all came out. i wish i could, but i dont think i should tell them all. but anyways. so for about 4 months..pry longer, i had been telling her everything in my life and she had been pretending to care..pretending to listen..and pretending her life away. it was like she waws faking our friendship---keep in my she was my only close "so called" freind. this all happened b/fore christmas and im still pissed about it. one day during homeroom.. she came in late--as she usually does now since we dont give her rides anymore--looking like a slut pulling her pants down to her pubic bone and her back fat was hanging out her pants under her tight fitting, grosse smelling shirt. ok, back to my story, one day in homeroom, she was talking in her giddie"look at me" voice that no one likes, and she was like..."guess wat im doin for springbreak" i respond, quielty "screw CJ"---her boyfreind that she had scrweed many times b/4 behind my back. she was sitting two chairs away from me so i bet she heard me. wat else do i hate about her right now. i hate how i cant look at her--because all i see is a hoe. i hate how she smells...she should bottle the perfume called "skank" because thast wat she smells like. i dont like how if u look in her deep, dark eyes, u can tell she has had sex. god i hate that. i hate hwo she wears the same gym pants for like a week..grosse. wat i really hate though is how i can look back at all of our memories, and think of all the lies she told me about all of her hidden screw sessions. now u guys r pry wondering y i was her friend in the first place...well...before she started hiding things from me, we hung out all the time. we got along really well. she used to be a lot of fun to hang out with. but now she has formed to how she thinks other ppl think she should be. she was always there when i needed her. it makes me sad that she cahnged like she did. and i cant help but think its my fault, the more i think about it the more i realize that it is 1/3 my fault and 2/3 her familys fault. she grew up in a kinda screwed environment with a young mom who i guess didnt teach her very good morals. if anyone ever does read this..write me a mail and tell me wat to do about her.